My wise friend told me over coffee today that it's good I think my life is a failure. That it means I'm open to whatever might happen. I think she might be right. So I don't have a vegetable garden, two dogs, five kids and another on the way, an artistic house, the clothes I'd like to have, etc. So I'm single (as in not married), working in something unrelated to what I'd like, have a work schedule that's opposite most people, live five million miles away from everyone I love and have to take a train to even hang out with anyone. So...?
I'm finding out this IS my life and I can accept the apparent failure and it not being "what I wanted it to be" as a willing sacrifice out of love. I'm finding out I could live this way the rest of my life and that's okay. That taking trains for coffee dates and picnic dates, teaching kids grammar, being in contact with the people I am in contact with... that's my life! That's also my mission field and where I can be happy/grow/be sanctified. And the fact my youth group is tiny, has about five million obstacles and is definitely "failing" in the world's view might be a way to keep my pride in check. And if I love doing it and I love the teens that go... so what does it matter if it's "successful" or not? Whether I get paid for it or not?
I'm finding all of this out while reading the best book ever: Come Be My Light. It's a life-changer.
"For sufferings you have not to look for them. Almighty God provides for them daily: they are not always what we imagined, bodily sufferings and the sort, but interior sufferings, contradictions, failures of our plan, anxieties for the community, for the work, misunderstandings in our relations with other religious, or families; oppositions unexpected at times, etc." (p. 142)
|Beet & apple juice with a coworker|